It's Still Life

The Cat Creates a YouTube Account
(a masterclass in digital anonymity)

The cat, draped across the old woman’s keyboard in repose,
begins typing.
Slowly.
Deliberately.
With one claw.

First: the username.
sardinesupremacist — taken. Probably by the crow.
knittingwithclaws — too obvious.
notacattrustme — suspiciously defensive.
fibreartistformerlyknownascat — perfect. The drama, the mystery, the disdain.

Next: the password.
ilovefish123! — hacked in two seconds. Amateur hour.
mittensarefortheweak — better.
correcthorsebatterystaple — the old woman’s suggestion.
Rejected for lacking flair. “I’m not running a spreadsheet,” the cat hisses.

Security questions:
Mother’s maiden name?
→ She Who Must Be Obeyed.
(see also: can opener)

First pet?
→ I am the first pet.
Also the last.
Also the only.

Favourite food?
→ My enemies.
→ Sardines.
→ And also tuna.

Profile pic:
A blurry screenshot mid-yawn,
captioned: “This is my serious crafting face.”

Bio:
Self-taught fibre artist.
Expert in yarn sabotage and dramatic tension.
Currently accepting tributes in the form of:
→ sardines
→ slightly used knitting needles
→ unconditional surrender

Search history:
how to knit without thumbs
is wool edible
(related: regret eating wool)
diy cat-sized beret
how to delete crow’s comment mocking my purl stitch

The old woman, quietly logging in as admin,
changes the password to:
givemebackmygoodyarn