Category: Old Woman With No Cat
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The Old Woman With No Cat
Do Cats Know How to Swim?(Or A Torrential Tale in One Question) The rain has not stopped for two days.The patio is a shallow lake.The birdbath is a waterfall in revolt.And the cat — who is not hers, never hers, stares out as if the worldhas personally offended himwith its weather. Without turning,whiskers twitching at…
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The Old Woman With No Cat
The Cat’s Nocturnal Symphony (in 2 Acts of Chaos) ACT I: PHILOSOPHY AT 2 A.M.The cat stares into the dark garden,one paw pressed to the windowpane:“If a leaf falls in the night,and no one is around to blame me for it…did it truly fall?” ACT II: The Reply at 2:10 A.M.(The Old Woman shouts: “YES.”)…
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The Old Woman With No Cat
The Garage SagaOr: The Cat, The Porsche, & Grand Theft Auto The Old Woman stands in her tidy, overly-organised garage,phone to her ear,staring at her car that hasn’t moved in a month.On her screen, the tracker app glows: THEFT WARNING! A voice crackles through: “Ma’am, our system shows your vehicle is stolenand it’s moving through……
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The Old Woman With No Cat
THE CAT’S TEMPORAL PROTEST(Or: Why Fix What Isn’t Broken) The Old Woman is hanging a new calendar.A gift from the crow.Who stole it. January glows with a photo of a serene garden. The cat watches,tail-tip flicking with skepticism.“Explain,” he says,“the need for a new year.The old one was functional.It had sunbeams.It had sardines.It had that…
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The Old Woman With No Cat
THE CAT’S HEAVENLY MISTAKE (Or: A Pine-Scented Epiphany) He wakes beneath the tree. A fortress of fir and glitter,dazzled by fairy lightsthat wink like trapped stars.Above him,an angel glows serenely,her gaze fixed somewherebetween wonder and Woolworth’s. “Ah,” he breathes,tail-tip twitching in awe.“So this is the end.I knew I was too goodfor this mortal realm.” He…
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The Old Woman With No Cat
THE CAT EXPLORES HAMLET’S IDEALIST THEORY(Or: To Scream, or Not to Scream—That Is the Observation) “Consider,” the cat’s tail twitches,“Hamlet’s dilemma: ‘To be, or not to be.’But what is ‘to be’if not to be perceived?If I sit in the garden,and no human sees me,am I truly there?Or am I merely…a sublime hypothesis?” The Old Woman…
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The Old Woman With No Cat
The Cat’s Revenge: A Lesson in Chess(Or: How to Knock Over a Kingdom in Four Moves) The old woman sets the board with care, each piece polished,each square aligned like a promise. “This is a game of strategy,” she says.“Of patience… and grace.” The cat observes from the throne of his favourite chair,one eye open,…
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The Old Woman With No Cat
The Cat’s Bedtime Story The Old Woman is tucked beneath quilts,the moon is a sliver in her sleepy tea,and the cat, perched on the duvet,clears his throat. “Once upon a time,” he begins,“there was a… a mouse.A very… small mouse.With… fur.” He pauses.Blinks once.Twice. “And he… um.He… walked…across a… floor.A wooden floor.It was… oak.” Another…
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The Old Woman With No Cat
The Cat and the Penguin Inquiry (A Winter’s Tale in One Act) The cat is pressed against the cold glass,the garden becoming a white sentence,watching the snow like it’s televisionfor intellectuals. “When,” he asks,without turning,“will the penguins arrive?The documentary said snowmeans penguins.And ice.And… formal wear.” The Old Woman looks up from her knitting.“That’s the Antarctic,…
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The Old Woman With No Cat
The Cat and The Book of Obsolete Words(A Masterclass in Feline Flattery) The cat is sprawled across the Dictionary of Forgotten Tongues,one claw resting delicately on the entry for: “Philofelist”: n. A lover of cats. “You,” he announces,with the gravity of a judge delivering a life sentence,“are clearly a philofelist.It’s archaic.It’s dignified.It’s literally written here,…
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